Dare to Live
by LordAmon52
Summary: One chance to live in a world where magic and wonders exist. One chance to live my life to the fullest. Self-insert OC. Inspired by Silver Queen's Dreaming of Sunshine.
1. Prologue

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**Dare to Live**

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**Chapter 1 - ****Prologue**

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What does it mean to live your own life? To live the way you want? It means accepting responsibility for your actions and decisions, without other people's advice or interference, and never regret going through with it.

But can you always choose the life you want to live for yourself? Perhaps not, there will always be something to get in the way of doing what you want to do in life be it your competition, environment, upbringing, or even _yourself_.

Case in point, I was forced to choose the career I never wanted to be by my parents who simply wanted 'the best' for me. I was too afraid to say no to them even if I can saw through the best thing for what really was; a projection of their failures. I'm a sucker for upsetting my parents and kicked out of the house to be living alone after all.

It's true. I walked my parents' laid-out path instead of mine, and I regretted it. But I can't turn back the clock, so I decided to live through it as if life has always been that way.

Maybe it was luck. Maybe it was a dream I cooked up in my subconscious mind. Maybe a god or some entities up there took interest in me and wanted to give me one more chance, although I doubt they would ever care about just another tiny speck of dust lamenting in their vast universe.

Even until now, I still can't believe I was reincarnated. I mean, I'm just a pushover for someone to roll over including my parents, and I didn't do anything that people would notice or remember me for, so why me? No doubt, it would have made more sense if someone else who has contributed more to the world than I do was to take my place instead. But this whole reincarnation thing has already kicked off the moment I was born into the new world I'm a stranger to, and who knows if there will be another chance in life if I was to die this time? It could have been very well my last lifetime in existence. So I'm determined that this time, I'll live my life the way I want without holding to others' demands that don't suit me, and doing whatever I want before death will find me again.

On the 20th of September in X765 as Blake Mercer, son to Claire Mercer and the father I may never knew, in Silene Hospital.

When I first became aware of my surroundings, I was floating in what I could only describe it as the oblivion. I only have the warmth in there to accompany me while I toss and squirm around, hoping that there would be at least something tangible for me to touch onto. I didn't know where I was trapped inside at that time, the only thing I could make out from in that darkness was the soft wall that _pulsates _like it had a life of its own. Surprisingly, warmth and curiosity were the only reasons I didn't go insane after many months spent alone in the dark. Until that one day of great importance, when the soft wall that I have been playing with since my first time of awareness caved in on me. The darkness that I got used to inside was ripped away from me. There was a squeeze with pain that follows. There was distress. Terror raced through my mind trying to piece together what was happening. _I can't move! What the hell's going on?!_

And before I knew it, I was out.

The entire world was a dazzling blur, but it didn't comfort the dread lingered in me when I was squeezed in between the walls, helpless and terrified._ The light. Oh god, it hurts._

That wasn't the end of my horror. I can hear what was being said fine, but I couldn't understand _whatweretheyevenspeaking_. My thoughts felt jumbled, clogged up like a blockade in the brain. I was lifted and held in a giant of something, but that didn't explain why my sensation registered for the body that was _too small_ to be mine, and where I'm being taken to. My head swirled like an animal trying to claw its way out of whatever it got trapped in, demanding to know _whatthefuckwasgoingon_ right then and there.

I did the last thing I could to protect myself from these nightmares, to make it stop. I screamed for help. I didn't care about anything else. It was just me screaming.

As embarrassing it was for a man to cry like there's no tomorrow. I didn't find any shame in it. I did that purely out of my instinct to survive from something I'm unknown of, a course of action that anyone else in my shoes would have done the same. Although I should have been to found myself taken to the woman on her bed, who's panting had gotten louder as I got closer to her. The darkness. The wall with a pulse. And her. It's all popped into my head, and it was just as obvious as it can be.

It must have been hard for her because she was still drenched in sweat when she embraced me in her arms. I didn't know how painful the whole process of giving birth was as I'm a man, not a woman. But she almost immediately cried as soon as I was up close in her face. That was perhaps the best hint I could ever get from my mother of all people, and I will always be most grateful to her for it. (Who wouldn't love their mother that fought through hell so you can be born? Unless they began using that as an excuse to make you do whatever they want, then that's a whole different thing really.)

There were only two things I could do as a baby, sleeping and playing with toys. It was awkward and frustrating to be at leisure with children' toys of all things because of my inability to communicate with the world at the time. Not to mention the newborn's instincts overwriting some of those instincts I had. I threw a tantrum as soon as I desired for something beyond my reach or accidentally tipped over the toy tower I built in my boredom, putting literally anything I could get my hands on in my mouth just to see what it tastes like even if I had been telling myself to stop that at once. But babies are so well-known for their stubbornness that I have no choices but to resign myself to these new bizarre behaviors I had developed. Have to admit, I felt bad for my mother every time I left her with scattered toys on the ground to be cleaned of. My (lack of) responsibility just won't allow me to help her so.

It was interesting that the language being used around here is none other than the English language I was quite fluent in. At least, I won't have to be so worried about learning how to write every alphabet in the language by anytime soon. It was all too basic and common for me that learning it is nothing more than a walk in the park. By the time I was five, it was all too easy for me to hold a conversation with my mother naturally almost all the times.

Life goes on as usual. Nothing seems so out of place. But the truth is... I had very little idea of this world I have been living in.

That is until I was six years old that it all becomes clear what this world actually was. Countless mentions of the word "guild" and "mage" in a newspaper were almost a dead giveaway, but what sealed it is the name of a particular country appearing in the newspaper. Specifically, the kingdom I have been living in until now, the Kingdom of Fiore. There was an X in the year date just to top it off.

I couldn't deny it any longer. There was no other way it could have made any more sense than _what I was thinking of_.

I was reborn into the Fairy Tail universe.

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I've done did it now, haven't I? Writing a Self-Insert for Fairy Tail of all things. No one has ever asked for this, but since there were no SIOC fanfics to entertain me in my free time. Then I will have to take matters into my own hands and do it myself, I guess? For what's going to happen with the story from here? Hell if I know. And that's just exactly what I needed to keep me from giving up on writing this after the first chapter.

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**Guilty pleasure has always been an unfortunate part of someone who wanted to write a decent Fairy Tail SIOC fanfiction. Almost everybody has long given up hope in this fandom considering just how common those kinds of bad fics you'd expect to find are in the present. But it's not the end yet, there still lies a small community residing in the abyss of a fandom known as Fairy Tail. One that will restore your faith in what's left of this fandom. One that will help you write the fic you've always wanted to. Come to the light side, we have panda gifs to lighten your soul.**

**Go to this discord server: (https):/discord.(gg)/5WethAt**

**They care only how well you want your fic plot and execution to be. Not who you are. It's never too late to join us.**

**Your demon in need, Lord Amon.**


	2. The Beginning: Townschool

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**Dare to Live**

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**Chapter 2 - Townschool**

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Given the kind of place I was in, I have to catch my breath briefly when I figured out. There was nothing in Silene Town that could have suggested to me in any way that this was Fairy Tail-verse before. Obviously, it shouldn't have because there was nothing _big_ that had ever happened since I was born. That, and the fact I wasn't born in the place I would have immediately known like Magnolia. Now that I know it, I could take a guess well that I was here as another person in the world to be living.

Assuming that this was the 'canon' world, what are things that _mattered_ to me? There will be a war, many years from now, between Fiore and Alvarez Empire with Acnologia in the middle of it. But what of anything else? I have no idea. As much as I had read Fairy Tail, I never know anything else about the world, let alone Fiore itself. I was just a stranger to the world with memories of Fairy Tail guild that would not matter to anyone but themselves. Not that people are going to magically believe the 'story' coming from a child anyway.

I didn't have to join the war and could have been somewhere else when the storm arrives. People died, and I would've hated to be among those casualties. Not to mention, fighting the war I have no cause in was never worth dying for to begin with.

But the war aside, this was a world where things such as magic or other wonders are commonplace. People may give the same attention to someone casting magic as we may a stray cat that we see during our travels.

The idea of being a mage held such allure to me. To have more freedom in choosing what I want to do than as an ordinary person, and childishly enough, using magic like in fantasy. Taking quests, finding friends, seeking glory or anything I want, and so on. Being a mage would essentially mean living free and of my own life. I can go wherever I want and do whatever I want to do.

But my excitement was halted in its tracks by one dreadful thought: _what if I had no magic?_ What if, I was like 90% of the population and I was just a non-mage? What could I even do then? _How _would I live without it? Especially in the world where basically anyone of even minor importance _was _a mage. It is terrifying to know that there might be a chance I won't be able to fulfill my dream before it even begins. My mind drifted towards another dark thought: what if I'm attacked by the unending numbers of bandits, dark mages, and what have you this world seems to be overwhelmingly infested with? I would have no means of defending myself!

Of course, as gratifying as the life of a mage was. It was hard and dangerous. There could be many things out there that would give you a _very _very bad if you come across one, what with dark mages hiding among people that it is impossible to tell them from people. It can't be easy if all you need to do to get rich was doing jobs, right? But I tried the 'no-risk' route before, and it didn't work out well. I wish I could come up with some sappy purple prose about my life drifting on a soft wind or some crap, but no. Simply put; I felt like my soul was being ground to dust by tedious monotony of doing what I hated every day, without fail, without end. I'd rather be a mage and enjoy it while it still lasts than going around day by day with no purpose in life.

Speaking of, there really isn't much to do in Silene, especially as a child. I didn't start school when I was six as there was no school in Silene Town for me to attend. I observed and listened to what people were saying, gossip and news alike, for the information I need to know. Anything that would at least pique my curiosity. And when I wanted to be doing something else, that would be studying magic from the books in the library, and just it alone.

In a world where competition was bigger and more abundant with the presence of magic and mages, I'd rather be the only one hanging around in the library, reading books that have my interest and soak up what I could get from them, while the rest are having a blast with each other. Not that I hated the act of playing itself, but as a teenager in child body, it felt _off_ to me to be doing something so insignificant and trivial like playing with kids beneath my (mind) age. Like, I just _shouldn't_ be doing it. Something in the back of my mind would scream at me if I so much as think about it. Reading also helped my anxiety of ending up without magic as I found out, it doesn't make it necessarily go away, but more like something to keep me distracted from the anticipation of something that even I don't know if it will come true.

Silene Town is quite isolated from its neighboring towns because it was located almost right in the middle of—if not behind—mountain valleys that make it time-consuming for anyone who wants to get there, not a place where many will come to without a good reason. There were sometimes trade caravans and _maybe _more travelers during the more temperate seasons or festivals in other larger regions using the town as their sort of stop-gap for a more critical place like the capital city Crocus, they would usually stick around for a day to resupply and trade with the locals if they have an opportunity. But even if there are people who came to the town on occasion, they usually aren't mages and just ordinary merchants passing by. The town itself was old and small, which means people aren't so rich compared to those who are from other nearby towns that are more 'open'. Sure, it's a quaint town, but not to the point of poverty and crime-ridden. They still have money just like people anywhere else, but only just enough for what's their necessity and nothing more than that. Similarly, the village funds are not something to write home about. It could have been spent on improving its archive in the library, but with the state of the town has always been in, it's better off used elsewhere that isn't just a library that was visited seldom. This is why there are mostly outdated tomes, with few being a book too complicated for me to read in the same way Calculus would to a sixth-grader, in the library.

There wasn't much I could gather from the archive so far, given its old dates and lack of updates.

This routine of mine continued for months. Sometimes I'd get drug into playing games, whether by other kids lonely enough to ask (I just couldn't bring myself to tell them no, cognitive dissonance or not), sometimes some noteworthy events for the village happened, but most days I was just reading and running around the village when being sedentary for too long got to be problematic. Until I heard some rumors circulating around.

Ako, one of the oldest people living here, wanted to teach all the kids in this town who are left alone when their parents worked. While I'm not _fond_ of the idea- no, I'm just _not_. School was boring as it was already, relearning something so easy and certain as the sky is blue like how to do the basic math? Hell to the no, why should I go back to learn something I already know? I'm just going to waste my time there for nothing. But what if she knows one or two things about magic? Then maybe I could learn more from her at something no books will ever tell me. And well, learning a bit of the history of this world might not be so bad either. Maybe.

Frankly, it wasn't going to be exactly a school either, so to speak. There was no minimum requirement of how old I have to be to attend there, children of any ages are free to join her so long as they are physically capable enough for learning. I don't need to bring anything with me to the class, just me and will to learn. A good place for parents to keep their children under the careful watch of while they go to work without having to worry that theirs would be home alone without someone to look after them. Sure, Silene Town is a quiet little place in the middle of somewhere, but kids can and _have _gone missing, even though rarely. But rarely is already more than the risk anyone is willing to take, _someone _has to take care of them, no matter what.

It was in one evening after the dinner that my mum, Claire, wanted to discuss with me about going to Ako's 'school'.

"Blake, darling," She said as we were washing dishes. I never liked doing dishes or many other chores before. But that changed recently, since it's just how there was something I actually have to do in this little town to keep myself from getting bored out of my freakin' skull. Reading books is nice, they keep my attention from straying off to somewhere else with a particular magic topic to learn about, but an inability to try out what I learned and see it for myself made me want to dive against the wall headfirst just as much sometimes. "Do you know that lady, Ako? She's been working on building our local school in these past months. They've just finished the construction a week ago, and now she wanted every child living here to come and study at."

"Wait, they have? I thought they were still testing if the... uhhh" I tried to say the rest, but I just _can't _think of what I was going to say. Like the gears didn't know how to rotate in my head. "...structure can handle it."

"Oh, about that? They were already more than satisfied with how it turned out. The room, space, materials. It's ready." Mum said. "Actually, she intended to start teaching from tomorrow. I think you should go too, at least; someone can watch over you when I'm not around."

I have a bit of doubt in Ako that she could handle teaching many children by herself, let alone being prepared enough to take care of them all at once. I've only met her once when I was running around. She looked so frail with her grey hair and lined and wrinkled skin. She was indeed an elder(ly) in this town, but with the way she was, I don't see how she could have handled the burden alone by herself. It was already annoying enough that I might have to go back to school again, but the school with underprepared personnel? It's going to be a disaster if I was there.

"But mum, it's just her alone teaching in the class, and she was already so old. Is she ready to do that?" I asked.

"I heard she called her grandson in to help her with teaching at the school tomorrow from couple days ago. She should be fine." Mum answered.

Ugh, not like this. "Do I really have to go to school, mum?" I protested. "I mean, I don't want to go there."

"I don't want you to be at home alone when I'm gone for work, darling," She answered. "It's dangerous."

"There are always people at the library, mum." I pushed on. "And I never forget to lock the door when you are outside too."

"I know, but you should cut down on reading and go out more," She answered. "You can find some friends and learn more at school there than the library here."

_Should I not?_ I pondered in my thoughts.

It's boring as hell if I have to be stuck in the room, learning what I had already learned with nothing new. But at this rate going on, there would be nothing new left in the library for me to read within few next days, and it would be frustrating and mind-numbing as hell if I was to be stuck in the library whose archives will probably never see another update or renovation. But I don't want to be stuck at the school that has nothing new to teach me either, what do I do?

"Just try and give it a chance, alright? We will work it out if you don't like it." Mum said softly.

I grunted and let out a 'tsk', "Alright." I said, annoyed with what I'm going to do tomorrow.

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The next day, the first day, mum walked me to the school in the morning.

Parents were coming to drop their children off at the building, some of them were already on their way back to work. Mum watched as I enter the building along with many other kids—some were as young as _five _while the other have teenagers who are so big that they stuck out like a sore thumb—with an endearing 'be a good boy'.

It surprised me how there were so many children here. Perhaps fifty or seventy of them, including me. But since this is the place where Ako and her grandson, and just them alone, was going to homeschool us together, I suppose it would make sense for her to have only one class for schooling, which means that I'm going to be sitting in a room cramped with many others with varying age and size.

And I was immediately proven wrong on the last part as I went in.

Large doesn't describe what the classroom was like, it was absolutely _huge_. There were framed windows set sideways to let in fresh air for breathing and a route for natural light to shine into the room. The tables and chairs were neatly arranged for the children to pick their seats in four with many of them to choose from. The whole room was painted in brownish colors that gave off a relaxing vibe as if I was in my own house. A blackboard is placed at the front of the class with an eraser and chalk sticks in multiple colors on it with a desk on the side just before it for the teacher to sit at. Just like the good old classroom I know.

I took a seat with three kids who were all around the same age as me at one of the tables in the middle. It was my favorite spot in my old world when in the class because teachers don't pay attention to me as close as that one guy who knows everything and will always sit at the front while also being not too far from them that what they were speaking at the moment would still usually are audible to me. I stared out the window, imagining myself to be out there free and unbounded, as more students filled the room and were looking around for any tables still left that they are comfortable with.

Many years from now, just what kind of future will await me if my magic was awakened during those times, let alone having one? I could never choose my own life that I wanted back then because I didn't have the spine to stand up for myself, too much of a conformist to even fathom going against the grain. Now that here I am again at the beginning, in the classroom of a kid school, it's either I do it this time or never ever. The childish part of me wanted freedom and the strength to endure a life with obstacles so he can be proud of something he achieved on his own merits. And truthfully, I wanted the same thing as that self-did too. I _wanted _to be more than what anyone told me I could ever be.

My drifting was interrupted as an elderly figure and someone I'd seen around the village towering over her entered the room with various materials. The behemoth of a man was carrying about all of it, and it was evident his arms were full. _This is going to be a long day…_

Some of the children didn't seem to be aware of their presence right away because it took a while for their noises, from kids in particular, to die down at their arrival. Ako simply walked to her desk to put down the materials she brought with for teaching today, gesturing something to the man before turning to face her class with a welcome expression on her face.

"Good morning everyone!" She clapped her hands, glancing around the room, especially at us. "So, I've seen many of you around the village before I'm sure. But for the sake of those who don't know me: I am Miss Ako Kozue, I'll be your teacher for the foreseeable future." Ako smiled warmly as she said this, and we all chorused our own greetings to her. She turned and extended her arm to the man comically towering over her and spoke again, "This is my grandson Ian, he'll be helping in any way he can around here. He's here to help, so please don't feel afraid of him." Again, we chorused our introductions, some more timidly than others on account of his height. He just smiled nervously at us.

Ako continued to move around a bit until she was ready, then spoke again. "I'm aware this is new and unusual for many of you since Mr. Walden passed years ago and our old school had to be torn down; many of your parents found different ways of educating you" She gazed at one of the tables at the front, seated by four children who were slightly older than me by a year or two. "The big boys." Then the larger bunches at the back of the room. "This is an adjustment I understand; but your parents wish for you to have as best an education we can provide here and wish to keep you safe. We're currently trying to find more people who can teach so you won't have to be all grouped together. For now, please bear with me and try to enjoy yourselves as best as possible."

If only she knew how far ahead I was, compared to the rest. Although I shouldn't be cocky, given that I still have no idea what topic she was going to tackle for now yet.

Half of the first morning was spent on practicing the high school traditions, introducing ourselves to the class one-by-one, briefed on the rules of the class, and taking one sheet of complementary materials from the pile of papers then pass it to the next table. Again, just like old times.

Kicking off the first class was something a mixture of basic math and algebra. Most of the kids, including my three seatmates, were paying attention to Ako while few more became too busy making friends with each other in an otherwise audible manner. The teenagers simply zoned out for obvious reasons. Five minutes into the class and I have already finished looking into the sheet, seeing the questions I will have to solve later on in the class. What do I think of it? I might as well continue drifting out when it's time for practice problems just because of how easy it was. Like a walk in the park. But when that time comes? Can't even catch a freakin' break once; someone in my table will always find a way to interrupt me at the worst time possible just as I thought I could be allowed to drift out in peace, be it asking me of all people or just from laughing too loud near me. I wish I could just take a nap without being seen in the class than having to suffer from this chore through the class, but what can I do when Ian was practically a surveillance camera in the room? Thankfully, it wasn't long before the class would be over.

"Okay! So, I'm going to conclude the mathematics here and we will continue it next time in equations and inequalities." Ako kind of shouted, shutting her book loudly in the midst of sudden noise rising. "And don't go too far yet because we are going to have a history class this afternoon, so don't be late!"

Someone poked me from behind as I was about to leave. "Ummm, Blake, right?" Adi asked eagerly. He was the one who keeps pestering me in the class to check for his answers if they were right or not and was very absorbed into learning as his enthusiasm would tell me. It was good for him that he was trying to do something by himself in trial-and-error than blindly copying the answers, but with how often he would ask me, and _just_ me alone, to be his corrector at almost literally every question he did. I can't help but house that little irritation in the back of my mind towards him. It was not even out of malice; it's just tiring to be called to help every minute in a question that is otherwise solvable by himself rather than leaving me alone in my own space for a moment.

I turned around and grunted irritably, "You again, why didn't you ask Ian while in the class?"

Adi looked down at the ground. "I'm scared, he's so tall!"

"What?!" I was baffled at his answer. "Are you serious?"

I sighed inwardly when he nodded in confirmation. Of all the reasons why he didn't, and it was Ian's height that scared him from asking. It was so ridiculous, but I could understand where he's coming from. Who wouldn't be when standing in front of someone almost twice their size? And it's not like I was never nervous while talking to someone when I was legitimately his age.

"Okay," I said. "So, what is it?"

"There is a lunch break today in the canteen. I thought I want to ask you a bit some more on this morning's math, mind coming with you?" Adi asked.

I groaned inside... and quickly cover up my annoyance with a hesitant look. "Well, I can take a seat with you, but I had something else to do after lunch, so I can't help you with that. You okay with it?" I half-offered.

"I see..." Adi pouted, looking down forlornly. "I'll ask Ako herself when I can then..." He said softly. I can't help but feel like I was being a particular dick to him when his voice dropped.

I wanted to help him as much, but the morning class has done more than enough to drain me of what energy I still have left that altruism wasn't even at the top of my mind at this point. And if I know where it would have gone if I accepted, he might have continued to ask me for half an hour more that I won't get to have my own break. Maybe if it was another time, I'd gladly lend him a hand, just not today for sure.

Unless if it was something so _important_ then well, a greeting and bits of asking on how to solve X would have sufficed.

Which reminded me. I didn't have anything in mind I could use to talk to them, much less in a town that doesn't see civilization as much as an urban city in my world would. Here, they never talk about TV shows, sports, music, or anything I would have liked to talk about had I was with people who know the same thing as I currently do. There was not even a single social network to pass info and memes back and forth either. Nothing. I was running blank on what to talk with anyone without having to be the less "casual" stuff like magic or personal life. Not that I liked to start the talk to begin with.

After having lunch in awkward silence with Adi and getting off from the canteen, I found my resting place underneath one of those trees at the back of the building outside. No one came here to play their games when they already have more than enough spaces for them to play tag or whatsoever at the front — good, with how boring the morning class was, having some good quiet nap under the shade of a tree would be nice.

I slouched down to the ground against the tree, watching clouds above and listening to leaves rustling in the wind. It was sunnily hot at noon, but it doesn't matter to me taking refuge under the tree from all the chaos and noises going on. The way the leaves go along with the breeze in a rhythm and the clouds moving at their own paces in the sky, there was something alluring about them that makes me feel serene and safe within this little school and town, yet made me craving for _that _life even more so.

I never believed in destiny because to me, it's just an excuse for us to wait for something to happen instead of making them happen ourselves. But what if that said "something" is beyond our control and that we have _absolutely _no way to manipulate it into happening? As in, based on luck, and just luck alone, with the odds that can't be interfered in any way. Unlike the past, this has nothing to do with whether I pressed on or not. This was something that has already been very well determined and as certain as the sky is blue. If I was born without magic, could I still not call that a destiny? Maybe not when there is still a magical Lacrima to implant into our own body, but that still doesn't make the fact that we don't have a magic of our own truly go away. We can pretend that we have magic all along, but take that off, what are we truly?

It made me _uneasy_ having to admit that there is indeed something that could dictate my life and be above my control at the same time in this world.

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_I clink glasses and downed the toast, that was one hell of a job and I all will be all over the newspaper tomorrow. This one is on the house. I can't believe one million Jewels each it. I'm happy why am I laughing?_

I woke up sleepy and sluggish. That was... why do I feel like I was actually there? Oh right, a dream.

Everything was so quiet as if I was the only one who's still around. Where were... oh shit, the afternoon class!

I stumbled as I haul ass, still wanting to just drop down and go to sleep even though I'm telling myself to wake the fuck up, and back to the classroom before I'll be late. If the lack of noise and commotion hasn't already told me what time it was.

The door creaked as I swung open and many children turned to look at me like I have just committed an offense. Well, they weren't wrong since I was apparently late to the class as I feared. Way to go, Blake.

"Good afternoon Blake! Please come take a seat before we will start the class." Ako said, gesturing me to my desk.

Either I still haven't gotten my mind right yet or she was really smirking behind those wrinkles at me. I could have sworn that I saw something shifted in her face as I made my way back to my seat, but I might be just seeing things. Who knows?

"Where have you been?" Adi whispered.

"Number one," I lied. My late attendance today was nothing but just minor setbacks, at least for now, that it doesn't matter if I told him the truth anyway.

"One?" Adi seemed confused, oblivious to what _that _was really supposed to mean.

"It's nothing," I brushed off, not wanting to elaborate him about it.

Guess what we have in the afternoon? _History class._ The topic? The history of Fiore itself. It's definitely not as _boring_ as Mathematics, but I wouldn't bother trying considering I don't find it particularly useful. Don't get me wrong, there're definitely people who could end up becoming historians, but that was just _not_ me. I took a deep breath, putting my focus back to Ako and Ian. I suppose it doesn't hurt to try a _little,_ if it's too boring I can always just sit back and await when it's over.

The Fiore Kingdom can be dated back to around four hundred years ago when it was still a province of the Piante Empire before its collapse during the early X400's due to the lack of heirs to the throne. From the outset, though, it has not always been Fiore. Back then, the province was still known as Vinus when it first broke off from the crumbling empire and was entangled in years of turmoil from all the economy, politics, civil war, and many more issues that would finally saw the demand for someone to lead the charge to end the unrest.

"Now! Who here can tell me who was the founder of the Fiorian Dynasty?" Ian called out loud for an answer and was promptly met with silence.

…

"Uhhh, I expected this… Alright, that's fine. Fiore was founded by Taaniel Fiore. The Justiciar of his province under the Piante Empire— Yes, what is it?" I turned and saw someone had raised their hand. Adi.

"Ummm… what's, what's a Ju—Justic-"

"Justiciar?" Ian finished softly for him. Finding some small amusement in how Adi was acting. When Adi said nothing but nodded his head, Ian answered. "A Justiciar was a position of high importance for a region. It varies, but Piante had them oversee large swathes of land" Ian used his arms to try and gesture how large this hypothetical sum of land would be for added effect. "Taaniel Fiore was one such man, he was…" he paused. "Think of him like my gran, Ako here. Except more powerful and with a larger number of people!"

Adi thanked him nervously and Ian chuckled to himself softly. Ako didn't seem pleased at this but said nothing. Ian cleared his throat again and continued.

I found myself drawn in by the story admittedly. It was enticing to hear a story that would have been written off as another cheesy fantasy novel be told to us as _actual_ history.

I listened intently as he gave anecdotes of the Piante Empire, and some of their practices that lead to Taaniel rebelling against them after years of strife and hardship. One thing in particular caught my attention: _Mages were an oppressed class. You could be killed for being a Mage._ I wanted to know more, I _had_ to know more and instinctively raised my hand.

"What's up buddy?" Ian called out to me, stopping his lecture.

"Why, why were mages hunted?" I asked him cautiously.

I watched as he stopped and did a weird pose where he looked to the side and put his hand on his mouth, as if trying to find an answer. He turned to me and spoke up: "It's complicated. Piante in its zenith—at its greatest, welcomed mages and treated them with great respect. Their fall started to see shifts in attitude, it exploded with… a big event." Ian didn't go into detail what this event was, whether out of self-imposed censorship or lack of knowledge, I don't know.

"Mages were soon treated as an anathema- **treated badly** with this event being one of many reasons why. Taaniel Fiore wasn't a mage himself, but he allied himself, he had friends who _were_ mages, and he loathed seeing injustices and persecutions against others. It's why he strode to fight against it with all his might, leading to him breaking off from the dying Piante Empire." I noticed Ian kept using big words on reflex…

"Are they still hunted today?" Someone else asked.

Ian paused again and contemplated his answer. "No, for the most part, they're not. Taaniel Fiore was the first man to fully legalize and grant full citizenship back to Mages during his reign. Many didn't like this, they feared and hated mages for one reason or another, and many died in the wars that followed." Ian started to continue until Ako stepped up and spoke up herself.

"Taaniel Fiore was and is a hero to us all. He saw past hatred and wanted to make a nation that acted as a refuge for the downtrodden and the lost; it's because of him Fiore to this day has one of the highest concentrations of mages in all of Ishgar. Were it not for him, my late husband, my sons and daughters, even my grandchildren would live in fear of the government, of persecution."

Ian took the reins again and added, "Unfortunately some communities still fear mages for one reason or another. A group called the Magic Council and the Royal family have programs in place to combat this ignorance, but unfortunately, they can't be everywhere at once. My older brother, Jiro, is part of the Concordia Brigade; a group of people dedicating themselves to helping mages and fostering understanding sponsored by the Council. When he's less busy, maybe he'll come around and can answer some questions for everyone? He's a mage himself!"

_That_ was a mistake. A flood of questions came from everyone when that was mentioned; it was like walking up to a large group of puppies, shaking a bag and shouting "Dinner time!" I wanted to know more myself, but every question I had was already addressed over the next half hour. Ako looked torn between being irked at Ian so thoroughly for derailing her planned lessons, and genuine happiness that we were all so excited about learning more about her grandson and what he does.

Once we are finished with the history class for today, Ako and Ian said their goodbyes and we all left. Some stayed behind to ask even _more_ questions.

"Man, that class was something!" Tommy exclaimed, stretching his arms upward as we are walking out the hallway. "I still have a lot to ask him!"

"Save it, dude." Samuel nudged him, giving him an annoyed look. "You just keep asking him so much I almost didn't get to ask him one too. Why don't you let someone else ask too next time?"

Adi snickered, shaking his head lightly at the bickering.

I made a beeline for the exit, leaving the three to themselves; it was a fun day, but I was ready to get home. Outside the school building was a crowd of parents, waiting to pick up their kids from their first day at school. Many of them were chattering to each other, chuckling and laughing as they talk to their fellow parents about things I didn't listen to.

Mum was waiting at a distant spot from other people, possibly so that I can find her among the crowd easily. Mum held out her hands and pulled me in for an embrace as soon as I got close to her, beaming.

"How was school today?" Mum asked.

"It was better than I expected," I answered. "The afternoon class, her grandson Ian knocked it out of the park. It was so fun to learn history with him."

She let out a chuckle, kneeling down to pat my head. "See? Just give it a chance and you will find out yourself. What did they teach you today?"

"Some basic math in the morning," I said. "It was so easy though; I just did it and helped someone else for the whole class until lunch on that subject. Then in the afternoon, we learn about the history of the Fiore Kingdom. How and when it was founded, how it grew to be the kingdom as it was in the present." I continued. "Ian, he practically stole the show in the classroom. Everyone raised their hands to ask him a lot. It felt so exciting as if we were gathering to let him read us stories rather than teaching us himself."

She returned an affirming nod and stood up to walk me home. "So, how are your new friends in class?"

"His name is Adi," I told her. "He was so energetic at studying and like to ask me questions a lot, sometimes too..." I paused at the last sentence. What else has he done wrong to me besides constantly asking me to check his answers? Nothing. And even then, it's not something I could call it 'wrong' and more like a mild 'annoyance' at worst. He just wanted to know if his solutions were right, that's just it. "...sometimes he just wanted to make sure that he got the solutions right."

The other two; Tommy and Samuel. I didn't know them personally yet. Maybe I'll try approaching them next time and see if I could be their friend or not, but I was never good at being the one who 'approach' people around. If anything, it's people who 'approach' me because I couldn't initiate the friendship to save my life and was basically dependent on whether they would notice me or not. As simple as it sounds to befriend kids, I don't think I could really find it in me to even do that. I just don't know what to even talk about with them mostly. Can't bond over the same TV series or games, there's little to none of that here. I'm not good at making up stories to share like the others, what else is there? Hell, the only reason I even knew Adi was because he is the one who would poke me for help on his math, not the other way around.

"You should make friends more; they can help you when in need." She said as if on cue, like she was reading my thoughts. I wanted to tell her what I really thought of her words but decided against it at the last second because I'm all tired and sore to put up an exchange. So, I just plainly nod and 'hmmed' along.

The noises boomed from behind, prompting me to look back to the school and saw many kids, still barreling toward their parents—father, mother, or both—or waving goodbye to their newfound friends as their parents walk them home. Now that I've just noticed what I seem to be _lacking_. It's been at the back of my mind to ask her about my father's whereabouts so many times now, but I haven't gotten around to it yet. I wonder if he was still alive somewhere out there but didn't stay together with us or was, was he… _dead_? It didn't help that mum also never said anything about this before too. It's suddenly weird to think that there were only two of us living under the same house instead of the typical three.

"Mum." I narrowly avoided looking her in the eyes directly because I was aware that what I'm about to ask her next might be likely to hit her in the sore spot. Breathing in deeply to muster the courage to ask her. "Where is- why is my father never home?"

She didn't react. For a long moment, she just went on and not saying anything... then she stopped to run her hand through my hair, looking at me straight despite my best to avoid her gaze. "He _passed away_ before you were born, Blake." She said with the ghost of sadness behind her smile. "Things happened."

Her answer left me standing still and blank for a moment. Did I mishear what she just said? No, I didn't. She really did say _that_. She just gave me a straight answer; whoever my father was, he has already passed away. Just like that.

There was something very upsetting about asking someone a question that would remind them of their loss despite knowing it full well. It felt like a punch to the gut that I have just asked this, of all questions, to mum of all people. I should have called it and just stop at that given his absence, which should hint more than enough of his status. Yet, I still went ahead and asked her anyway. It makes me feel like I was just trying to be a smartass, not the curious deep inside. I shouldn't have _done _that. What am I even thinking I was doing?

"I... I'm sorry." I turned my eyes away from mum, frowning at myself. "I-I just wanted to know who he was."

"Figured you're going to ask me sooner or later eventually," Mum reassured, casting an understanding look at me. "What's with that look, love?"

"It's nothing, mum." I glared at the ground. "I'm just trying to let what you said sink in." Trying to convince myself that I didn't do anything wrong.

She didn't tense at my reaction; she was handling this far better than I thought. "I won't hold it against you. Just... take your time, alright?" She offered. "You still have me right with you here, Blake. I'll never leave your side, get it?" She stuck out her pinkie.

"Get it." I nodded, locking my pinky finger with hers.

"Good, now enough with that sad look and lighten up already." She bopped my nose playfully. "Let's go home, I'll cook your favorite for dinner."

"Fine by that, mum." I forced a smile on my lips, which worked slightly, and that's all I needed on my way home.

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A long overdue.

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	3. The Beginning: First Week's End

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**Dare to Live**

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**Chapter 3 - First Week's End**

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Besides Mathematics and History classes, I also have English class, AKA the only language I can speak in this world, which was also, fortunately, the one that is primarily spoken here. Which… is amazingly convenient. I can only imagine how troublesome it would be to learn a more complex language like Japanese with all those kanjis and hiraganas alike, my head would have imploded first before I could finish learning about it, although I have to wonder how someone like Ako or Ian can know and speak Japanese well, given where they might originate from based on their names.

The English subject itself was simple. We only learn basic reading, grammar, and how to construct simple sentences. Nothing too hard or out-of-place about it. But it's a different story when Ako started calling us to say the word one-by-one. It sounds like a piece of cake to pronounce those easy words in front of the class with my knowledge beforehand, except that I was pronouncing them in the body of an eight-year-old that hasn't experienced speaking as much as I did before. I stuttered and tripped at some of the "harder" words. There was a clear disconnection between my spiritual perception and my body perception of pronouncing certain words that I feel like I wasn't being me when I'm thinking of the syllable and phonetics to speak. It was just as irritating as pressing the keyboard key above the one you actually intended to.

Then there is the best, saved for the last, and taught only on Friday in the afternoon. Elementary Magic class. Oh yes, what better way to end the school week than studying in the class I have been looking forward to the most?

It wasn't about casting elemental magic, but instead the most basic tenets of magic itself. That makes sense when I thought about it, there are more kinds of magic in this world than we know— surely an academic school like Ako's will not be able to tackle a topic with endless numbers of branches, let alone teach us how to cast the most basic of magic. But it's at least something about magic there, so why not be happy to sit back and pay attention?

As I entered the class, I noticed that Ian and Ako were already inside the room, with her seemingly pointing at something in his book that reads: Introduction to Magical Theory - Volume I. If I didn't already know what the class was going to be about beforehand.

I greeted them with a polite 'good afternoon', which they responded back with a simple nod gesture to acknowledge it, as I sit down, ready for a class in session.

The main composition of Magic Power, which is the source of power for all mages to use their magic, is magical particles called Ethernano. No one knows where it came from or how it came to be, but it was apparent that it is everywhere in the world. In the living bodies, in the land, in the water, and even throughout the atmosphere itself. It's like oxygen in the sense that we all breathe them every day for mages must always be in ready condition with their Magic Power at full level. Every mage has a container (or an organ? I'm not sure since neither Ian nor Ako ever said anything past the container part) inside their body that stores the particles and breaks them down into Magic Power to be used. But not everybody's "container" is the same as the "container" of each mage would have different capacity to store Magic Power from each other, which is one of the distinctions between those who are S-Class and ordinary mages. They could spam their magic all day without burning out if they wanted to, while ordinary mages would have been winded after some time in.

"Now that I have covered how mages get the power to cast their magic from, does anyone here know what are the factors that affect the rate of Magic Power regeneration?" Ian extended his hand toward the class, gesturing at us to try taking a shot.

I raised my hand, prompting Ian to turn to me.

"Yes, Blake?"

I cleared my throat, formulating what I am going to answer with actual explanations to back them up. Like organs inside our body, they have to grow in size proportional to their body frame as it gets larger to accommodate the changes as demanded naturally. Skeleton needs muscles to move them, muscles need nutrients for regulation, and consequently, larger body systems. I'm pretty sure that's how the magical "container" works inside our body as well.

"Size of mages' body, because it's..." I couldn't shake off the feeling of being watched like a performer on stage surrounded by audiences, but apparently, everyone in the class was looking at me more because I was the only one in the room who is onto something, "... it's like an organ as a part of their body systems that get larger as their body grows bigger- I mean as their body gets bigger and uh-"

There is something more than that, but what is it again? Shit. Shit. Don't let up now.

The pause dragged on while I try to think of what I was going to say next. "And then as their body gets bigger, they will also need more-"

"Alright, I think that's enough," Ian interrupted.

"Wait, but I'm not done yet." I was going to say any more words when Ian raised his hand toward me, telling me to just stop. Okay...

"I see what you are up to there." Ian said, "But those you talked about were actually not true... I mean they were already disproven some time ago."

_Wait, what? _I looked around the class out of desperation for some sort of reassurance, but there was none to be found.

"The thing is? Suppose you have two mages, one with simple magic and another has complex magic. Who do you think is going to recover from their magical fatigues first?" Ian asked. Now I wonder why he would be asking that.

"The one with simple magic, of course," I answered.

"That's right!" Ian snapped his fingers, "Basic magic like Requip, for instance, doesn't take long to recover your lost Magic Power because the magic is simple in design, so it's not too demanding of your power to use as the particles of any elements to convert back into your Magic Power will do at the same time. The highly complex magic with an affinity for specific elements, on the other hand? They need more Ethernano of specific elements corresponding to their magic, and only that alone, to be converted into Magic Power. Because of the specification, complex magic, especially the one with elemental affinity, will take much longer time than simple magic to replenish the user's Magic Power back to full."

I can't say that I hadn't 'wow'ed when he told me how something works in detail that made everything add up together. Listening to new information about magic really was something. Maybe it might be because I was fortunate enough to have a teacher like Ian who actually knows something about it instead of parroting what people heard from others and insist that something works like this just because it can as it is.

"And one more thing about the rate, not every place will have the same concentration of Ethernano particles in the air," Ian continued, "The particles are, for the most part, vastly distributed throughout the world that it is very rare to find a place or an area with no or fewer particles present, but we are going to cover about locations with different concentration later."

I nodded slightly to his extra fact into magic just because it was something within what I wanted to know.

"So Blake," Ian questioned, "Just asking here, but I wonder where did you get your answer from?" He tilted his head sideways.

_"Uh oh." _I thought. About that...

"I uh- I read it from the town's library," I told him.

Ian pondered inside for a while... then he snorted, facepalming and shaking his head. "Blake, you said you read them from the library, right? Those books you read, they are even _older_ than I am."

And just like that, everyone burst out laughing, at me particularly.

Maybe I should have known better to not stick out when things didn't call for it, and I had it coming for trying to flaunt my "knowledge" of something that I didn't really know better. But it can't help that I _did _look up from those library books in my spare time before I even joined the school. So why would I _not_ think that what I know was right, especially when it came from a library of all places if nobody is telling me that the contents inside were obsolete sooner?

I clenched my fist against a table. I wanted to tell them to just stop laughing because it's not something even worth laughing, but from the position I'm in, it's only going to achieve the opposite and make them laugh louder than before. _God damnit, just shut the hell up already._

I couldn't tell if I was just angry or irritated from being laughed at, but if gritting my teeth is anything, it's both of them mixed.

Then there was a sound like someone dropped something _heavy_. No, someone slammed their hand on a desk. It was louder than the laughter, so much I can't hear the laughter briefly.

Then I realized that everyone had stopped laughing.

Ako, who was in her seat, observing her class up until now, had stood up and looked at us like we have insulted her.

"Excuse me?!" Ako yelled irritably, and everyone, including me, was all fixed on her. "What is it about answering that you all find it that funny?"

My chest loosened up. Breathing was suddenly easier. It was reassuring that she had been there again to remind everyone how she is still capable of running a school, let alone her classes, despite what her old age tends to suggest.

Ian looked indifferent as he watched Ako tear into everyone for laughing like they did; I kept my head low and just looked forward out of embarrassment. Ian looked angry too but didn't say anything and just stood there impassively. When he looked my way he looked a bit guilty. It unnerved me that Ako and Ian were getting worked up over something I had started, even though I wasn't the one to be blamed for. They were sticking up for me over a small mess-up that they normally shouldn't care about.

The class soon went back to normal as though no laughter had happened after Ako is done with her lecture and threats of doubling our homework over the weekend and speaking to our parents if it happened again, allowing Ian to continue with his lecture. He taught us a few more things about magic: little details into basic magic most often used in everyday life, and a brief overview of what Lost Magic is and why they become lost from history as the name said. Ian would offer someone to try answering his questions on some occasions, but most everyone was too afraid to speak up after Ako's lecture. Even the teenagers seemed to shirk back, so he stopped after a few attempted prompts garnered nothing but silence.

Ian wished us all a wonderful weekend as everyone filtered out of the school in silence. People only started muttering to each other about Ako's fiery temper when we were out of the building. No one said anything to me, my screw up forgotten already, I just walked home; excited to have my days to myself for the weekend. I almost forgot what it was like since college, as it was much more different then from here.

There is nothing better than waking up in the morning on the weekend and feel like there is nothing to keep you from doing what you want, including sinking back into the bed after you woke up just to appreciate how thick and yet soft the bedsheet was and let it lull you back to sleep. After all, it was nice to have at least those two days for myself to sleep like a hibernating bear when I have been yelled at to wake up early by mum and force myself—usually still too drowsy to even process that I have a school on each day—to get off the bed and hurry up with my routine before going to school for five days straight.

Unless you have someone dragging you out to have breakfast, even at the weekend and you just can't say no to them, like mum. Oh, joy.

"So, what do you think about school?" Mum asked.

"_He_ is good, but the class felt cramped," I remarked, recalling the awkwardness being in the same room with teens whose feelings are probably also mutual too. "There are teens that were just there because they had to, and... they couldn't care less what was being taught to us, on our level. It would have been better if we are to be given more room to breathe and separate those teens into a separate room." I shrugged, not wanting to go deeper into why they are even there in the first place. "They just shouldn't be in the same room with _us_."

That suddenly drew her attention. "Why? Do they bullied you?" she asked, looking at me with a worried look on her face.

"What? No no no no no no," I waved my hands hastily. "It's just that they won't be getting anywhere if they have to be stuck with learning something so simple they already know but we still have to," I articulated.

"I see," she breathed a sigh of relief, "I thought it was something bad you don't want me to know about."

"Ma, you would love to know what happens when everyone gets too noisy under Ako's watch," I said, slightly smiling, "If even she can put them in their places, then they won't dare think about crossing us or them ever."

"I never have time to go there and see it for myself even once, but if you say so, then I'm glad she and her grandson are doing a great job there," her face lit up.

The meal was more delicious than usual, in which I would chalk it up to me just being hungry because it's later than usual or she was in an extra good mood for cooking. My first thought of what to do during the weekend was to dig up more what I can about magic from the library. Then I remembered that embarrassment.

_What's the point if none of those books are valid? Librarian won't let me read the interesting fiction books because they're "too mature" for someone my age. The kid's books are all old and damaged as well. Great._

I flopped down upon the bed out of boredom. What am I supposed to do in my free time, if not that, when it's not an option right now? Running around the town to look for something new would be a pain for mum to come with. Talk about having no choices, but to just lay there motionless.

"You aren't going out to the library like usual, what's the holdup?" A voice made its way from the living room to where I was. Mum sounded curious.

"The books are no good," I pandiculated, rolling around in bed. "Why go there if they're all outdated and wrong?" My arms stiffened, begging me to stretch it again.

"Hm. I always told you to go out and play with others more," she said. "What about Adi? Why not go out to see him and play with him?" Her tone took a suggesting approach.

"Aww," I whined, unsaid was that Adi is notorious, even among children around my age, for his constant pestering over whatever he's curious about at a moment. I knew her suggestion wasn't _really_ a suggestion though. It was a nice way of giving a command. "Fine, maybe still better than just lying here like a corpse, maybe," I slouched up, throwing my legs off the bed.

I walked out of the bedroom, passing Mum, who is still in the kitchen doing something.

"Don't just go for like ten minutes and then you come back, alright?" Mum looked up as I'm about to go through the door. "Be a good boy and do me a favor to talk with your friends outside more."

_Yeah, 'favor'. _I firmly kept that thought to myself. "Can't say I could last that long," shaking my head. "But I'll try."

"That's the spirit," mum cheered.

I groaned inside, closing the door behind me.

Outside, I started walking. The first place to check would probably be the playground. The field was surprisingly large and filled with equipment such as a seesaw, slide, merry-go-round, swing, and many more of them that I didn't notice. This was the only place where children would want to be when not at school.

I can see Samuel and Tommy playing with other kids that I don't know, but I wasn't looking for them. So I went somewhere else, where there aren't many kids hanging around, and as I thought, Adi was sitting there on a swing dangling his legs.

I hesitated to join him on the swing beside him. I wasn't always the most extroverted person in my old life but I didn't have many issues initiating conversations for the most part. But… I'm just not that good talking to other kids my "age". And Adi, honestly? He is irritating. I know he doesn't try to be, but I'm also not exactly the most patient person around here.

Speak of the devil, and he'll notice you.

"Hey Blake, come over and sit here!" Adi called me out with the look of joy on his face, his hand pointing at the swing beside him rapidly.

"In for a penny, I guess," I made my way over to him and sat down next to him.

We hadn't interacted too much outside of school, he'd sit next to me sometimes and we'd talk during lunch, but it was rather awkward at times. We'd sit in silence saying nothing or he'd take charge and ask a lot of questions, mostly about the subject he was curious about at the moment. Other times he'd sit alone during lunch, saying nothing to anyone.

"How've you been?" He asked casually, walking backward, still seated on the swing.

"I'm fine, I think? That magic class on Friday was a-" I paused briefly, only because it shouldn't have been a joke. "It was quite a swing."

"Oh really?" Adi lifted his feet, sailing on his swing back and forth. "I just don't understand it at all."

"Understand what?" I asked, slightly backing up the swing before letting go of my feet up.

"Like, _everything_," he replied.

"That's odd, coming from you," I remarked. "You are not the kind that wouldn't understand anything."

"Why? Am I wrong to not _get_ everything he said?" He huffed annoyedly.

"Nothing like that..." I shook my head lightly. "It's just rare for someone like you to get completely stuck on something."

_Bloody hell, what am I even saying?_ I really need to learn how to think before I open my damn mouth...

I put down my feet, sliding along the ground briefly, to stop my swing. "Say, what do you don't understand? Maybe I can help you one or two things about it," I offered, trying to salvage the conversation.

"Huh?" Adi was taken aback but quickly regained his speech. "Oh, uh, yeah. I mean can you go over what Ian taught us in magic class last Friday again?" His swing came to a skating halt. "I think it was right from the beginning where I fell behind."

"Alright, can't say I remembered everything, but I can still recall enough to maybe help you," I informed.

"Thanks a lot!" Adi was practically elated.

We spent a good twelve minutes give or take trying to go over this, and I can safely say I will have to strike teaching from my potential career list. I had a solid grasp of the ideas, but much like my old teacher: I could not explain it in a way that Adi would understand. I tried explaining Ethernano particles to him, what they are and where they come from, but he'd always cock his head to the side while waiting for an explanation or outright say it makes no sense to him.

The odd protests he gave didn't help matters either, and finally, I just got fed up.

"Arggh!" I threw my hands up in exasperation and looked up at the sky.

"I'm sorry, Blake…" I looked over to Adi, who, _oh shit_, looks like he's about to cry. _Nice one jackass, you're about to make a kid cry. Mum would be so proud of you._

"Hey, hey, look… I'm sorry, Adi. I'm not- I'm not mad at you" I placated to him as his eyes started to look puffy. He looked over to me but didn't say anything.

"I'm just, I'm frustrated is all. It's not your fault. I can't _explain_ it the way I want to. I feel like I _know_ how it works, but I just _can't_ put it into words. Why don't you ask Ako or Ian to help you after class or over the weekend? They don't live too far away from you." I tried to fight back the panic inside.

His saddened look turned into an expression of worry at my suggestion.

My mind went back to the first day of school when he tried to ask Ian a question. "You're scared of Ian, aren't you?" I broached the subject.

Adi nodded slowly. I bit back a sigh of exasperation. I just don't get it. Ian's probably the nicest person I've ever met aside from mum and Mrs. Carol, our next-door neighbor who would babysit me at times when mum was busy.

"Why are you scared of him Adi? He hasn't done anything, nor would he."

My question was met with a nervous, pensive look and several seconds of silence between the both of us. Finally, he spoke up and said, "He's- really, really big. Much bigger than my dad."

My brain feels like going to crash from his answer.

"What?" I found myself asking with a tone of accusation on reflex before I could stop myself. That was, ridiculous. Again. Sure, Ian's probably around 6'5—almost an equivalent of a giant to us. But why would Adi have to be afraid of him because of that alone?

"I, I heard my daddy said he's really really strong too. That, he lifted someone over his head and threw them clean out of the ring in the Rukh event during the Eclipse festival months ago and… he laughed, after doing it."

"You're afraid he's going to throw you around like a sack of potatoes, aren't you?" I asked while smiling and trying to bite-back laughter. I'm absolutely going to ask Ian about that.

Adi, to his credit, let that jab roll off his back. When he said nothing, I offered an olive branch. "Alright fine, how about me and you tomorrow, we go ask Ian for help together? If he tries to throw you like a sack of potatoes I'll, I'll jump on his back and punch him in the face!" I jumped off my swing and called out triumphantly, secretly regretting it the moment I did that. No one heard what I said just now. No, I didn't say it ever.

Adi actually laughed at that and smiled. "I… would like that, thank you, Blake."

I'd only been gone for at best forty minutes, and I made a promise to mum. Adi's alone too, so I did something I probably wouldn't have otherwise:

"Hey Adi, you wanna pretend to have a magical battle like the Epics of Taaniel? You can be Taaniel himself."

Adi suddenly looked like a child who has been told he can have something he wanted but ONLY if he ate all the candy he's being given too.

So I and he brainstormed some quick ideas of scenarios and magic ideas and ran with them. He was, of course, Taaniel Fiore, and since I was supposed to be evil at his insistence, I came up with the most ridiculous name I could think of that he, thankfully, didn't cringe at. I was apprehensive at first, because _what am I doing here?_ But soon I was having genuine fun, Adi was beaming the entire time.

He kept to what we decided better than I had expected. When we agreed on his 'magic' could or couldn't do, he tried to keep to that and was willing to change anything that didn't fit. He didn't have anti-everything shields or instant annihilation spells he could cast at blinding speeds freely either.

I took a few nasty spills from messing up "spells" that were overly theatrical or involved physical "attacks", but again, Adi surprised me when he didn't start crying or run off when the same happened to him. He just got back up and we kept playing as if nothing had happened. Still… I dreaded thinking of how mum was going to react to my dirty clothes and a few scrapes on my body when I got home. I hope that she won't get the wrong idea about him.

And before I knew it, it was already an hour since I came out to find something else to do. Adi doesn't seem to have anything else he wanted to play or talk to me with, so I bid him goodbye and left the playground to go home.

It was much better than I thought, even if I don't feel like smiling at the moment, although that would be because I was spent from all those things I did while playing with him. That and my limbs becoming all heavy. But still, they are nothing a nice bath and some good rest can't patch up for sure.

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**.**

**Guilty pleasure has always been an unfortunate part of someone who wanted to write a decent Fairy Tail SIOC fanfiction. Almost everybody has long given up hope in this fandom considering just how common those kinds of bad fics you'd expect to find are in the present. But it's not the end yet; there still lies a small community residing in the abyss of a fandom known as Fairy Tail. One that will restore your faith in what's left of this fandom. One that will help you write the fic you've always wanted to. Come to the light side; we have panda gifs to lighten your soul.**

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**And lastly, our Miniature Panda, Minipa.**


	4. The Beginning: Awake

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**Dare to Live**

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**Chapter 4 - Awake**

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A small market I have to pass through on my way home usually was full of people and bustling with activity. I was a bit unnerved to find that unlike when me and mum usually came through here… it was empty and lifeless. No one was manning their stalls, no one was browsing wares, there was nothing.

Some stalls were still open, but the goods they sold were already cleared out that they might as well be closed. They are well kept, for the most part, while some are older and more cluttered than others; but people take good care of their wares here. Mum once told me that this was a strategy to make them look presentable to attract trade merchants from outside. Knowing our little community was often visited by people stopping by for a few hours or a few nights on their trip to and from Crocus; I can understand why they'd keep their stalls clean. Word of mouth is a big deal.

My eyes felt strained and heavy I have to blink rapidly to keep myself awake. Best if I get home fast.

I headed down the same path I walked every day, taking a left turn, then right, passing through one of few stores in the market I recognized as a 'landmark' for navigating. The exit was just around two more turns from here.

Then, in the window of a store on a sideway, I saw a familiar tall figure shopping inside. I was not in the mood to be chit-chatting at this time, so I sped up past him without wasting any more time.

I should have been faster.

"Hey! Kid, what are you doing here by yourself at this hour?" Ian called out.

_Oh great. Just great._

I stopped and turned to face him. "Uh, hi?" I greeted absently. "I'm just heading home here."

"You don't look well, something happened?"

"What? No! No," I strained. "I'm just in a rush here," I said, stumbling for the words to excuse myself out of here. "Sorry sir, but I gotta go now."

"Wait!" He called out to me.

_Ugh, what is it this time?_

I craned back and saw him looking sideways, upset. "I er-I don't know if you will still hold it against me from that Friday, although I suppose you are," he said. "I just wanted to say I'm sorry kid."

That apology came out of left field. I don't know what to say about it.

"It's fine?" I scratched my head to feign innocence, not knowing how I should react to this at all.

"Na, it isn't." Ian shook his head. "I forgot what kids can be like…. and well, I just wasn't thinking when I made that comment. Grandma… _really_ had a lot to say when we got home after class." he said dryly. "Trust me this, you don't want to be on her bad side ever. It is not _healthy _for your ears in the long run."

I laughed. I don't know why, but something about what he said and the mental image it created made me burst out laughing. I caught a glimpse of Ian and he looked like he wanted to throw me like a sack of potatoes like Adi was so afraid of.

After I stopped laughing, Ian continued. "Anyway, since you are about to head home. Do you mind helping me out with a favor?" Ian asked.

"I'm sorry... but I'll pass," I said.

"Oh, I'm not going to have you help _carry_ these bags with me to my home," He lifted the bags. "I just want you to tell your mother that grandma would like to invite her for dinner at her house tomorrow, that's all."

Dinner? That's odd.

"Why?" I asked. The sun was already going down fast, he has to tell me now or I will have to scram before mum will give me the same treatment as Ako did him.

"I'm not sure, but she said something about wanting to talk to her personally," I wondered what that could be about. "Didn't catch all of them, so I can't tell you."

It's getting late now, thinking can come later. "Sure thing, I'll tell her about it."

I looked up the sky. The light was getting fainter as the whole place was becoming even more barren with the noise of a shutter door being pulled down.

I continued with my route and got out shortly after.

By the time I reached home, it was still hotter than I'd like outside in the evening, but the worst of it was over thankfully. After a long day of playing under the sun, it was only right that I would get to take a bath and go to sleep.

"I'm home, mum," I said, looking around the living room.

"You're back!" Mum stood up behind the kitchen counter, walking out from it. "Blake, where have you been? I was about to start asking the neighbors about you!"

I went in to hug her... and backed off at the last second. "I got a bit lost in the market."

Mum laughed. "Oh, you don't want to hug me?" she teased.

"Maybe after I get a bath first. I really need one." I said, huffing a chuckle.

Mum got a better look at my clothes and visibly gasped. "Oh my God! Blake, what did you do outside?!" she exclaimed. I winced.

Damn it. I feel like a little kid being scolded by his parents again…

"Uhh… I, well, me and Adi-" I tried to stammer out. "Me and Adi were playing for a few hours and I fell a few times!" I finally eked out loudly and probably too fast to be understood.

Mum seemed to understand at least some of what I said and ushered me to a chair in the kitchen.

I slouched on a chair, resting my arm behind the rail. Mum came out later with a first aid box and placed it on the table.

"Where did I put that iodine again?" she mumbled, picking up each bottle and put them back into the box. "There it is."

I sucked my teeth when she began rubbing it on my knee because it stung. "It's just an ant bite, come on," she said, applying plaster on top of it. "There you go."

"Thanks," I said, getting up from the chair.

"Don't get too energetic with playing next time," she added.

"Aw, I thought you'd be happy I was playing with someone finally?" I groused.

"Of course I am," she shot back. "Just, sweetie, don't get hurt or ruin all of your clothes, please."

Somehow, it was more intimidating when she said that in her soft tone, especially the last part. _Note taken._

"You should go clean up first," mum urged. "I'll cook you dinner while you are at it."

"Fair enough," I concurred, grabbing pajamas from drawers.

Just before I enter the bathroom, it hit me that I almost forgot to tell her about the dinner she was supposed to be invited to by Ako.

"One more thing I almost forgot!" I blurted. "I met Ian in the market on my way back and he told me his grandmother would like to meet you at her house for dinner tomorrow."

"Huh, she is ready?" she exclaimed. "But I haven't had time to contact them yet."

"Contact who?" I asked, curious about what mum was up to that I didn't know until now.

"It's for the school," she said. "I know some people outside who can help teach the children in her place, but I haven't gotten around to asking them yet."

"You could go out in the morning before time passes," I suggested, twisting my arm around because it felt sore. "I'm not going anywhere tomorrow. I'd rather sleep in."

"Not feeling lonely?" she asked, rather rhetorically. "Being home alone and all that."

"I'm fine with that, actually," I shrugged. "I mean I got nothing against talking with people or such, but, just only one at a time, anything more than that..." I gestured a big 'no' with my hands to her.

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* * *

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After what could be half an hour, I emerged out from the bathroom to find mum waiting at the table.

Mum looked up and got up from her seat. "Dinner's ready. You should eat up," she said, moving to collect my dirty clothes in the bathroom.

I nodded and dug into my meal quietly as she went to do my laundry.

Her food was great as always. I felt full and relaxed, content enough to call it a night.

I washed my plate and wares, putting them back into the shelves properly, and was about to head back to my bedroom when I saw mum hanging my laundry in a hanger.

"Did it take long?" I asked, eyeing at my clothes from today, now unblemished. "Getting rid of all the dirt and mud alike."

"Not at all," she replied, turning to smile at me. "Are you going to bed now?"

"Yeah... it's been alongday," I mumbled incoherently, rubbing my eyes. "Say, can I hug you before I'm off for a night?"

Mum pulled me in for an embrace, which I did the same, albeit also with a peck to her cheek. "How can I say no to my boy?"

I laughed and patted her in the back, then I let go of a hug from her to move towards my room. "Right, I'm heading off now. Good night, mum."

"You looked like you haven't slept in days," she remarked. "Good night and rest up."

I ambled to my bedroom. My head was feeling woozy and the bed was right there, waiting for someone to gleefully fell on it.

I turned off the light lacrima and pushed myself off to the bed blearily.

The last thing I remember was that the mattress felt so firm.

.

_Oh._

My arms and legs hurt. I woke up in the middle of the night with a feeling that my face was planted onto something hard.

I shakily lifted myself to look at a hard wooden floor I had slept on, then a jolt of sharp pain suddenly shot up in my elbows like the bones were being pried out in half.

_Owowowowow._

I yelped as I awkwardly lied on one side. Slowly, I raised my knee towards the chest and flipped onto it as a crutch to get up, though not without the struggle with pain.

I gaped, blearily, at the floor and the bed itself. The blanket was still folded nicely on it as if it was never touched.

_Did I sleep on the floor? _I asked myself. There's no way I would ever do that.

I cast aside what question I had to work my mind toward something I needed to do: find water to drink for my parched throat.

The house was so silent the only thing I could hear was the rustling of my pajamas and nothing else. Not even the chirping crickets too. It was so terrifying to be up alone at this time with nothing to ward off the darkness and feeling of being watched by monsters lurking in the unknown. This was a world where actual _monsters _exist after all.

I wanted to go back to sleep until the morning as I didn't have magic to defend myself. It was an irrational thought as I was aware even though I still couldn't shake off that trepidation feeling despite telling myself exactly that repeatedly. But if I don't go out now, I'll be far worse off in the morning if I don't get something to drink up.

Nervously, I held out my hand and crept forward to the wall.

I groped for the switch, feeling for something that stuck out and turned it on.

The light came up as fast as the clicking noise goes. There was only a bed with nothing underneath, drawers, closet, and me myself in the room.

_Thank god, _I breathed a sigh of relief. It was just all in my head.

I left the door open to at least illuminate part of the hallway as I couldn't see in the dark. Hopefully, it won't be too bright to wake mum up.

Although the living room was not exactly lit up, I can still see a faint shape outline of the objects in the room enough to tell what they were with the light behind me.

I sneaked past the table and chairs carefully as to not bump into them. There was a switch to turn on a lacrima in the room too, but I didn't want to attract attention in the house, so I left it be.

I grabbed a water bottle from the kitchen and sucked it down. It felt refreshing to wash away the heat inside with cold water when there was no air conditioner to keep it comfy all the time, not that it will have anything to do with being thirsty when waking up even if there was one in the house.

I trotted back into my room to turn off the light and crawled into bed. I had to shift myself around in the bed from one side to another as I felt my muscles flaring up whenever I stayed still to drift off to sleep. It was so draining to sleep through it, but eventually, I forgot how uncomfortable sleeping was and soon lost track of how long since the last time I shifted was.

I heard noises coming from the kitchen at the late hour in the morning. That must be mum doing her chores as usual, and soon she will come over to wake me up for breakfast. I'd rather be dozing off some more minutes than waking up to do my stuff right away, though to be fair, I was given more than enough time for sleeping already.

Few minutes of unresponsiveness later, I slid out of the bed and sighed, yawning at having to start a day already, and fold up my blanket before going out to the living room.

Mum was in the kitchen, cooking something, probably breakfast. She noticed me and glanced very briefly before turning back to focus on cooking.

"Good morning sweetheart", she said kindly. "You got good timing, I was about to come wake you up."

"Yeah," I rubbed my eyes, resting my chin on my hands and elbows on the table. My arms were stiff and sluggish to the point that clenching fists felt like an arduous task to do. It must be from last night when I slept on my arms.

I closed my eyes and waited for breakfast.

"..."

"_... up._"

"_Hey,_" a voice said firmly but tenderly with a sense of urgency in her tone.

I jerked up, flaring my eyes wide and open to see mum looking at me with her head tilted sideways.

"Are you all right?" she asked.

"Well..." I drawled. "I'm just feeling sleepy here."

"And I thought you would get more than enough sleep last night," she said, serving two plates to the table, one for me and another for her. "How come you are already down this morning?"

"I don't know," I shrugged, fidgeting my fingers. "Maybe I didn't sleep deep enough?"

I guessed because I didn't know any better than her either. It was just in the morning when I was already off to a rough start.

"Never mind about that," mum said, picking up the pair. "Let's eat up first."

I did the same and started digging into it, though not entirely willing as I didn't feel hungry like how I usually would be in the morning. I ate simply because she told me to, and I _had _to have something stuffed down the stomach in the morning, hungry or not.

"I'll leave for Margaret Town today, are you sure you want to stay home?" she asked. "You could come with me."

The aspect of going to large cities for a change of scenery was very tempting to me as I have never been out in the world before. But at the same time, I wanted to have more time to spend with myself as that has always been me, finding comfort in alone time. Mum going over to talk to her colleagues also means that I won't be able to go around freely as she would have to keep her watch on me during her business trip anyway. It will have to be another time where I can go there of my own volition. For now, I'd rather be sleeping in. If I get bored I could play with Adi some more or something.

I shook my head. "I want to go there next time when you are not busy," I said.

"But why?" mum asked, chugging a glass of water. "I don't want to leave you alone to yourself. It could be dangerous."

She had a point. But in the town where there are people in every corner?

"No way, someone breaking into the house in broad daylight?" I brought up the very fact that no one in their right mind would dare to do that, in the place where people will always be passing by least of all. Although, admittedly, that was just an excuse to hide the fact that I just wanted to do nothing at all today and so that mum will concede to it.

Mum hummed in thought. "Fine," she said.

I beamed inside at her apparent surrender, though also feeling a pang of guilt that she will be worried about me when she is away.

"Just, dear, you know what to do; don't open the door to strangers and wander off too far alone if you come out," mum instructed. "I'll leave you with a house key and tell Mrs. Carol to check up on you once in a while."

After breakfast, it was time to get cleaned up. By then, it was almost working hours, I had to make haste with my daily routine per mum's urging, or else mum will be late with her work. I ended up having to repeat doing several things because I kept forgetting to do something in this and that, but I still made it in time in the end, so everything turned out okay.

Mum gave me a spare house key and told me to stay safe as what any parents would say before leaving. It's just me alone in my house now, and there is nothing better than having an entire day to myself.

There was no need to be afraid of getting interrupted because in this little private space of mine, only I had full control over what I wanted to do: napping and recharge from these aches in my limbs. Playing at the playground so long has left me worn out so much, both physically and mentally, that I still needed downtime to unwind myself. Obviously napping was the only thing I wanted to do right now.

I collapsed onto the bed and stared at the ceiling. Even simply looking at it felt tiring.

I closed my eyes to block off from processing it in my vision. There were spots of colors and flashes of light for a while.

Then there was only jet black.

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* * *

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I opened my eyes to find myself drenching and something fluttering in my chest like a butterfly. I reached up to touch my forehead and the back of my head. It was wet and running down my face. I was sweating.

Breathing was so hard. Like I had knots tied up in my lungs. I struggled to breathe in and out fully, but my chest hurt like something inside was going to break.

I tried to think. Think of anything. But everything felt so fast.

My heart felt like it was racing against my ribs. I didn't know what was happening nor what I should do.

I had to get up.

I swung my legs off to sit on the bed. There were gray tints on my toes. I reached down to rub them and saw that there were some on my hands too.

Then I realized that they weren't dirt stuck onto my toes, those were _my own skin_ that had turned gray.

Something. Something was definitely wrong.

I scanned around the room for the key, but I couldn't find it. Fuck, where did I put that again?

I darted a glance across the room again, to no avail. Until I lifted my shoulder as it was blocking my view to find the keys on the drawers at the bedside. It was right under my fucking nose this whole time.

Quickly, I grabbed the key and stood up. Then the pain cracked down on my knees hard and I tumbled forward, barely catching the wall in time.

I leaned on the wall. _That was close, _I panted, clutching the key in my hand until the stabbing faded to just stiffness.

Just trying to move alone was already painful. But this wasn't just normal fatigue, not with those gray skin things I saw. I have to, have to get help.

There was a mirror in the bathroom to look at myself. To see how bad it was right now. I bit my teeth and limped across the hallway to the bathroom. I had hope that it was still not that bad yet. It was just a sliver of hope.

Taking hold of the sink, I looked into the mirror and saw the reflection of my own face, ashen gray like my hands and feet.

I stared frozen at the image. He looked too old to be me, but the hand waving motion he did was eerily synchronized with mine on the opposite side that he couldn't have been anyone else but me in the reflection.

I tried to compose myself by breathing in a pattern, but it was disrupted with a pounding feeling in my chest. I couldn't stop to rationalize what was happening to myself. Everything was clear and obvious to me, too real to be just a dream.

I needed to get going. To the outside. Hospital. Doctor. To hell with thinking about how badly mum would be worried about me right now.

I unlocked the door and swung it open, pushing myself through it.

Out of the house, I shielded my eyes from the sunlight that was too radiant to look at and retreated back to the doorstep. The door was still open and anyone could have gotten in, so I locked the door behind just to be sure and careened under the sun.

The hospital was so far and it doesn't take a genius to tell I wasn't going to make it. But, but- but I have to go. Because I don't have a choice.

I keep walking, staggering. In the direction I don't even know if it was right. I just had to get there...

I-

Then I tripped, sprawling to the ground.

It was supposed to hurt like hell because I landed facefirst, but I couldn't even felt it.

I struggled to push myself off the ground. I just had to get up.

My arms were longer than they should be- no, they were slipping away with nothing to connect my hands and shoulders. I couldn't lift myself as there was no work being done into my arms. They were just, gone...

I fell again.

I tried to move, but they only twitched.

My eyes were getting heavier. I tried to keep them up for if they came down, I might be not able to open them again. But I was already faltering as I was.

I couldn't even lift a finger anymore. I was... tired.

I thought back to the talk I had with mum this morning. She had offered me to come with her to Margaret Town together.

If I was there with her. I would... she would have taken me to a hospital as soon as this happened.

I should have gone with her.

I wheezed against the ground. I just don't know what was so funny about it.

What would she do once she came home? To know that I came down with something I don't understand. That I tried to go to a hospital myself and didn't even make it there?

Nothing has even begun yet. There were still so many things I looked forward to. The wonders in this world. There were so many things I wanted to see and do in this world.

I don't want to-

"_Hey! Someone come over here!_"

I don't want to die yet.

And my tears started falling.

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**.**

**Guilty pleasure has always been an unfortunate part of someone who wanted to write a decent Fairy Tail SIOC fanfiction. Almost everybody has long given up hope in this fandom considering just how common those kinds of bad fics you'd expect to find are in the present. But it's not the end yet; there still lies a small community residing in the abyss of a fandom known as Fairy Tail. One that will restore your faith in what's left of this fandom. One that will help you write the fic you've always wanted to. Come to the light side; we have panda gifs to lighten your soul.**

**Go to this discord server: (https):/discord.(gg)/5WethAt.**

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